Kaine Parker

[For the first time in a while, Kaine's making a video today to ask a question.]

Is it normal to sort of....black out for a week? Because last time I checked, it was still February. And now it's not.

[A pause.]

And no, I didn't drink myself stupid or anything like that for a week straight. I haven't done that in a while.

[...not that anyone asked, but he feels the need to dispel that idea.]

And even if I did, I usually don't remember things I'm pretty sure I didn't remember before.

[He's not going into detail there.]

Which brings up another question. There's no giant mascot rampages here, right? Because I really need that to not be a problem in life. Again. Ever.

[Things that Kaine thinks suck today: the weather, everything being completely crazy, the weird...Spinarak colored Spider-Man costume that replaced his clothes today.

Things that he actually likes? His powers seem to back for whatever reason.

In fact, he likes that so much, he's not even complaining about being demoted from clone Spider-Man to what looks like some sort of dollar store bootleg Spider-Man.

So despite the fact that he really should be questioning why the hell he's in Goldenrod City or maybe it's Saffron at the moment, he's...not, not yet anyway. Instead, Spinarak-Man is webslinging around the buildings and actually seems to be in a decent mood. That mood probably won't last though.

Later, he'll bother to get on the Gear and via audio ask an important question.]

Okay, what the hell's going on here? Everything seems to have gone completely crazy. Moreso than normal.

[...the nice thing about audio is that nobody can see that he's using the gear, from hanging out on the side of the Goldenrod Department Store.]

Did some Pokemon do this? Or was it somebody like those guys with the whale and the dinosaur?

{OOC: Kaine can either be found web slinging in various cities or taking a break and hanging out on a wall somewhere. Wherever you want to run into him, he'll be there!

...unless it's like the middle of outer space or something, then he's not there. Sorry.}

[When the video starts, there's the noise of something jangling but nothing in view that could be causing it. Anybody familiar with today's swarm can probably guess what it is, but there's no sign of the keychain Pokemon...things. Just a very confused looking Kaine.]

Okay, I get that this place is weird and all and that the animals make no sense, but what the hell is the deal with this?

[He lifts his free hand up to the camera, showing that he's holding a Klefki by the...keyring? And the source of the noise is made obvious since it's angrily shaking its keys at Kaine.]

Seriously. This? This is a freakin' keychain. An angry keychain.

[He's not even sure where he's going with this anymore. He'll just think about it for a second while the Klefki continues to jingle its keys in anger.]

Uh...look, since everyone I met's really into this whole Pokemon training...thing, does anyone out there want...

[He stares at the Pokemon for a while trying to think of what in the hell to call it.]

...keys. Does anyone out there want keys? Because I don't. And they're all over the damn place here. So yeah, please come over here and catch them. All of them. Because they're annoying as hell.

Actually you know what, if you want these things, I'll send them to you. Just tell me where to send em. Because the sooner things quiet down around here, the better.

[Okay, he's been here all of a few minutes, decided he has absolutely no idea what's going on and doesn't really care enough to find out what. So instead of that, he's got a simple question for anybody watching the video.]

Is there a bus station here? Or a cab? Or, I don't know, anything that'll get me back to Houston?

[He really doesn't think so, but he's hoping there is. He's also hoping this is also some sort of weird dream caused by a result of a hangover and that he's not stuck in some weird place with a weird bird and music that doesn't seem to stop.]

I'm not...

[He's about to say that he's not a Pokemon trainer or whatever that handbook said, but he looks like he really doesn't want to say it. And he's going to do his best to not say it ever if he can help it.]

Yeah. Look. Just tell me how to get the hell back to Texas. That's all.

[He goes to end the feed and then reconsiders.]

And if there's somebody I can call to come pick up this weird little bird that keeps following me. Like animal control but for Poke...

[Yeah no, still not saying it.]

But for birds.